It was recently divulged that Sam Raimi quit Spider-Man 4.  This led to an announcement by Sony saying they are throwing out Spider-Man 4 and rebooting the franchise with a whole new direction.  However, Sony has yet to choose a new director for this project.  What follows is the letter I wrote to the Sony Entertainment HR department asking for the job:
“To Sony Human Resources Department,

I am applying for the vacant director position on the next Spider-Man film.

I am 24 years old.  I have been reading Spider-Man comics since I was nine.  I know everything there is to know about all the characters in the Spider-Man universe ever.

I’ve had plenty of practice telling Spider-Man stories using action figures and stop-motion “special effects.”  All my friends agree, they say “Hey Dan, you should totally make the next Spider-Man movie.”  And I’m like “No duh.”  Also, I’m working part time at the Office Depot and I’m looking for more work to supplement my income.

One of the rumors I’ve heard is that Raimi and Maguire got canned because you guys are trying to keep the budget down on the fourth film.  Well you’re in luck, I’m willing to direct the Spider-Man reboot for $35,000 a year plus benefits…

I’ve attached my resume, as well as a Spider-Man drawing I did a few years ago to let you know I mean business.

Saying I’ve got “loads of ideas” is an understatement.  Here are a few things I would change/accentuate in the Spider-Man reboot:

• MORE NERDYNESS!  I’m talking “weird kid in class no one talks to” nerdy, not just “slightly awkward around hot girls” nerdy.  But that will work because nerdy is in right now.  Also, he needs to have way less friends and confidence.
• MORE INNER MONOLOGUES AND WISE CRACKS!  Peter deals with the stresses of being Spider-Man by laughing about it, not crying, which brings me to my next point-
• WAY LESS CRYING!!!!  Spider-Man doesn’t cry, he gets mad and punches people harder than he normally would…then feels bad about it later.
• NO DAMSELS IN DISTRESS!  Spidey’s about protecting the people in the streets, not just his girlfriends.
• KEEP THE MASK ON! Every time Spidey got in a fight his mask was the first thing to go.  That’d be like Superman constantly getting his cape ripped off.  When he’s in the mask anyone can imagine they are him, which is one reason why he’s great.
• BAD GUYS!  I think a great pair of baddies would be Rhino and Electro.  They contrast each other well and would deliver distinct visual scenarios…and Electro looks cool.

That’s it for now, the rest you’ve got to pay for.  I’ve heard you would like the film in theaters by May of 2012 so I’ll need to get started ASAP.

Thank you for your time.  I’ll be looking forward to arranging an interview.

Dan O’Donoghue”

I think I’ve got a pretty good shot.  I’ll keep you posted on whether or not I hear back from them.

ADDITIONAL EDIT:

This is spreading like wildfire…in a small field!!  Let your voice be heard!  Join the Facebook Group Dan for Spider-Man Director and stick it to the man!!